we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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