so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
