My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
