I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
