Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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