It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
