Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
