By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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