Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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