i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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