no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
