I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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