So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
