just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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