somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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