just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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