Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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