so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
