we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
