dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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