the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
