When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
