I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
