I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
