I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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