You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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