My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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