to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
