Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
