At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
