Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
