forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
