Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
