Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
