marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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