return my video game
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
