Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
