You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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