is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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