you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
