ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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