I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
