Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
