as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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