id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
