I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
