I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
