I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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