i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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