Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
