I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
